Fantasies of Relationship Ownership


“Good friends can keep their friendship going for a lifetime because they do not indulge in the fantasies of ownership.” Dr. William Glasser 

As I was going through some of my files this morning I came one of my favorite quotes from Dr. Glasser.  How true is that statement? Think about your long term friendships. Have you ever tried to control a friend? If you have, I bet you are not friends now.

I have a group of friends that I meet with every Wednesday afternoon. I can honestly say there is not one of them that tries to own the other. We have a really good time and we can talk about just about anything and know we are respected and safe.

What are so many intimate relationships about ownership?   About 52% of marriages end in divorce for that very reason.  What amazes me is the number of people that talk about having a best friend but they would not want to date or marry them because it would ruin their friendship.

Yet, real love is about just that. It is about choosing behaviors that bring us closer together, just like friends do.  Trying to live full time with someone you care about is a challenge indeed but when you are friends and you respect and care about each other you figure it out>

You see, chemistry can bring us together, but loving behavior keeps us together.  Jealousy is not love. Jealousy is about power and control. Criticism is the most destructive behavior we have when it comes to our relationships.

We can be open and honest and share our dreams and aspirations when we have a loving supportive environment and it takes two people to make that happen. Both have to want to contribute to the relationship.

Have you heard of “ fair fighting?”  In a good relationship both can be heard and sometimes you just agree to disagree but both keep the value of the relationship they have at the forefront.

Do you want to learn more about this subject? Join me February 2,3, and 4 for in-person Basic certificate training in Choice Theory, Reality Therapy and Lead Management.

Our next online Basic starts Feb 6, 7pm ADT. Check it out here:

Maureen has been teaching this ideas for over 35 years. She is a Senior Faculty Member with William Glasser International, A Licensed Counselling Therapist and Certified Personal and Executive Coach.