Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen is a love song. “Love is not a victory march,” he says, “It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah.”
Life’s like that too. Our successes are public, but behind closed doors everybody has their cold and broken moments.
The happiest couples you know have faced real private struggles. The business people you think of as being a total success regularly face failure and moments of intense fear and vulnerability.
Love at its fullest means surrendering yourself completely to another person. It means shedding your armor and letting yourself be seen. No more hiding behind the clothes or psychological misdirection that conceal your insecurities. It’s terrifying and vulnerable and glorious all at the same time.
These are the words in a newsletter that I received some time ago. Love is not a victory march reminded me of Dr. Glasser and Carleen in their book Getting Together and Staying Together, where Dr. Glasser says not too long after you are married someone invariably says is the honeymoon over yet? What they are really saying is has the power struggle begun?
I believe the other statements are true as well. I do think, though, that Love is a Behavior we Choose. Through all our private struggles, failures, etc. we can still choose loving behaviors towards one another. But we need to be consciously aware that it is a choice.
Many of us grew up in external control environments so we accept that someone else made us angry or I hit her or him because they made me do it. Nobody makes you do anything. It is always you who chooses your behavior. Tough words I know but if we simply practice the caring habits regardless of what the other person does, life will be easier. You can get your own copy of the caring habits by signing up here: www.maureencraigmcintosh.com You will also receive Musing by Mo daily.