Is Confidence a Choice?

Recently, I worked with a client who wanted to discuss her lack of confidence. As a coach I wanted to get clearer. So I said: ‘Explain to me what you mean by more confidence. “

She went on to talk about all the areas in her life where she is lacking confidence. Her children are grown and have personal relationship issues. She somehow took this on to mean she was a terrible mother and she was allowing this to cross over into her work life.

She is going to a business meeting with a group of peers and she wishes she could just show up with confidence. She is telling herself that she does not have much to offer and that “everyone else” is more educated and smarter than her. I asked her:

“ Is that true”?

She looked at me wide eyed and said “ no, it is not true, I really do not know.”  I then asked her how it served her to think that way. She agreed it did not and she was amazed at how she let herself go down that rabbit hole!

You see, what you think about you become! She is struggling with a relationship issue with one person and has given her power to that person without even realizing it. We looked a limiting beliefs, her strengths and times in her life where she felt confident.

She said, I need to “ feel” it. “ Feel” the confidence. As soon as she looked at times when she had felt confident, she looked at me and said” I have it, I have the feeling back!”

She had it within her the whole time.  This is the value of working with a coach! A coach gets really curious about things and asks the questions to bring out what you already have inside. What are you doing to invest in yourself? Have you ever thought about working with a coach?


Maureen has been teaching this ideas for over 35 years. She is a Senior Faculty Member with William Glasser International, A Licensed Counselling Therapist and Certified Personal and Executive Coach.