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“ I am having a really bad day! The boss is upset and is all over me for some stupid thing I did and if you had not been in such a terrible mood this morning, it would not have been so bad!” End of Text!

Reply: “ Thanks a lot! Now I am having a bad day, no thanks to you!!” End of text

What is wrong with this picture? Many things can be read into it but here is the bottom line.  Before cell phones were invented, we might have had an actual conversation about what was happening but it would have been at the end of the working day once you both have returned home.

Now, everything happens in real time. The issue with this is that not only is the person writing it having a bad day but so now is the person receiving it and what follows is a flurry of texts that basically are using the deadly habits and causing a feud to escalate into a series of texts that basically are taking both people away from their tasks for the day at work.

This would not have happened prior to the cell phone. In general, people would have a conversation at the end of the day and try to work things out. Now with what I call “ the third voice” in the conversation the battle escalates all day long building more and more resentment.

What is the number one killer of relationships? Unresolved resentments! Couples need to make some rules around the engagement they are going to have through the regular workday.

What is “ the third voice “ bringing to your relationships? How do you interpret your third voice?  You see: it is impossible to interpret the written word as it is intended. We can only receive it as we perceive it and attach our meaning to it. What will you do with those texts? Do you have a management plan?

Yours in growing awareness

Maureen

Today I experienced the wonderful opportunity to share breakfast with a group of retired Public Health Nurses.  Everyone is involve in various activities, from travelling, to spending time with grandchildren to working a little.

Someone looked at me and suggested that I was “ still working” to which I replied that “no I am not”. But we see all your posts and your promotions and the training and writing that you do! I laughed and said: “ I am living my retirement dream!”

You see I started planning for my retirement from public health in the early 90’s. Not that I did not enjoy my job at the time but with early retirement I could choose who I want to work with and what I want to do. You see in a government job I was limited in what I could do and who I could work with.

I had a dream of working more with adults as most of the problems the youth I was working with came from the adults in their lives! I was helping youth to take charge of their lives by learning how to interact with the adults around them, how to take responsibility for themselves and get more of what they wanted.  It was wonderful but what if we could prevent the need for all these youth to need so much help emotionally.

I love what I do and do not see it as work. However, last evening I listened to a young counselor speak about a local counseling center for youth.  The youth do not need to pay for services but now there is a wait list of about 80 youth. For me this is unacceptable.

The question is, how are we as a society letting our youth down? Why are so many having so many emotional issues? How is it that their needs are not being met? Are we so busy we don’t have time for our youth?

We all know that 90% of emotional problems are directly related to a significant relationship in our lives that is not the way we want it to be. It could be a parent, a grandparent, a teacher or some other significant person in our lives.

When I was working with youth, a lot of them had difficulties in school, saying no one really cared about them. All they wanted was good test scores and they could not see the sense in what they were being asked to learn!

The youth of today are our future. What are we doing to support them, help them grow through adversity and success? Are we listening and paying attention? They have the same basic needs as adults.  Are we truly there for them or do we spend our time criticizing?

Yours in growing awareness

Maureen

www.monctonrealitytherapy.ca

maureen@monctonrealitytherapy.ca

www.choicetheoryonline.com

The main highway is washed out and the other roads are shameful. Over 400 people came out last week to highlight the seriousness of the problem and to speak their truth. It made the front page of our local paper.  The people are concerned for the need for emergency services that may be needed in a hurry.  

This is a community about 20 minutes from Moncton but I had a chance to experience their frustration on Saturday. As grandparents we were excited to go and see our grandchildren perform in a skating show at 11am. We were told to allow at least an hour to get there.

We started out the Pine Glen Road, which is a major route to get there. It is a road that we had often travelled on our motorcycle that was in pretty decent shape but not this time! I could not believe the ruts, pot- holes and washouts at the side of the road. Part way out the highway there was a construction site , where only one lane could go at a time.   We sat there with about 25 other cars waiting our turn. 

Eventually, we got to Dawson Settlement Road that would take us into Hillsborough. It too was full of bumps, potholes and ruts. It was a very bumpy ride and we were driving an SUV supposedly made to travel over terrain like this.

I had heard that a youth was hurt in a hockey game and that the paramedics were so busy trying to hang on in the back of the ambulance, they could hardly tend to him.  He was not so seriously injured but I sure do understand now why people are so concerned.

My grandchildren were in a second show that evening. Ordinarily I would have been there a second time to see them but this particular night, Doug needed to be back for a gig he was volunteering for.  I just felt too overwhelmed and nervous to drive on those secondary roads by myself so I did not go.

Sometimes people tell you what is happening. Sometimes we read about events in the paper but until you actually experience them, you really do not have the awareness of what is actually happening.

A greater awareness is always useful. I am now 100% behind the people beyond the washout who are fighting for a quicker fix to the highway. There is way more to the story but just gaining the awareness personally, hopefully I can add my influence to help this urgent situation.

Yours in growing awareness

Maureen

www.monctonrealitytherapy.ca

maureen@monctonrealitytherapy.ca